


Merry Christmas Darling

by laura71193



Category: Supernatural
Genre: DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 21:29:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laura71193/pseuds/laura71193
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas is the time to spend time with those you love but sometimes its a time to remind us those we love aren't with us.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Merry Christmas Darling

**Author's Note:**

> For the lovely cas-wants-the-d-ean! Have a very Desiel Christmas! (Also we are pretending that everything is okay and that Kevin just got back from backpacking in Europe.) Also the song that inspired this is called Merry Christmas Darling so you guys should listen to it!

**December 24, 2013**

_Merry Christmas darling_  
 _We’re apart that’s true_  
 _But I can dream and in my dreams_  
 _I’m Christmasing with you_

Dean could here the sound of the Christmas music Sam was playing on his computer from the library in his own room. He was trying to read that book Charlie had been bothering him about, he had only gotten about two chapters in but he just couldn’t pay attention. He thoughts kept drifting and always ended in the same place. Well on the same person. That’s how it always was. No matter what Dean did to distract himself now a days his mine always wandered back to an unmistakable pair of blue eyes and a messy mop of dark hair.

Kevin had thought it would be a great idea to actually celebrate Christmas. That apparently meant using actual ordainments rather than air fresheners to decorate the tree. Dean really wasn’t in the Christmas mood but both Kevin and Sam seemed enthusiastic about it and then when Charlie came back from Oz Dean didn’t have much of a choice.

He was enjoying himself he didn’t bother denying that but he couldn’t help but feel like something, or more like someone was missing.

God he was so far gone. He didn’t even bother denying it at this point because he had it bad. He wanted Cas here, with him. He wanted to watch cheesy Christmas movies with him and show him what eggnog was. He wanted to even fucking kiss the guy under missiltoe.

_Holidays are joyful_  
 _There’s always something new_  
 _But everydays a holiday_  
 _When I’m near to you_

Dean lay back onto his bed and pushed the heels of his hands against his eyes. He hated the fact that even thinking about Cas like this got him so upset. Sure when the fantasies started out they were great and sometimes they made Dean smile to himself but then he would remember Cas wasn’t there. He was god knows where and he didn’t want to be with Dean.

Of course Dean hadn’t asked Cas if he wanted to stay but he had a good reason to believe Cas didn’t want to be anywhere near Dean. Why would he want to stay with the very man that had kicked him to the crib in the first place? Dean had thought about calling Cas but he was too much of a coward to do anything and beside he didn’t even know what he would say.

So what was the point in thinking about it, he should just try and be happy with the people he was with in this moment and just accept that Cas wouldn’t be here and he would never see Dean in that way. He would never see Dean as any more than a friend, hell he wasn’t even sure if Cas saw him as a friend anymore.

What kind of friend had Dean been to Cas anyway? He had turned his back on him when Cas had needed him the most and all for some asshat angle that had betrayed them and almost caused him to loose his only brother.

_The lights on my tree wish you could see_  
 _I wish it everyday_  
 _They logs on the fire fill me with desire_  
 _To see you and to say_

Dean tried to block out the music from the library. All this Christmas shit was not making this whole missing Cas thing any easier. He turned onto his side and squeezed his eyes shut trying to hold back his tears. God he was pathetic.

_That I wish you Merry Christmas_  
 _Happy New Year too_  
 _I’ve just one wish on this Christmas Eve_  
 _I wish I were with you_

“Dean!” Sam’s voice carried through the library and into Dean’s room. He quickly sat up but didn’t get up to open the door. He didn’t want Sam to see him, he wasn’t sure if his eyes were still teary.

“What is it Sam?”

“Come out here?”

“Why?”

“Just come out here Dean!”

“What is it Sammy?” Dean asked again. What could be so goddamn important that he needed to get out of his room? He stood up and walked to his door. Dean could hear Sam talking to someone but he couldn’t really make out the second voice. He stepped out and made his way to the library. “Sammy wh—“

Dean stopped dead in his tracks and felt like time had stopped or maybe he was dreaming. It would make more sense that he was dreaming because there is so way Cas would just be standing in the middle of the library in the bunker with Sam. Because why would Cas even be here, why would he want to be here?

After several second and after Sam let out a load cough Dean sort of came back to reality. He looked over to his brother who gave Dean a very knowing look and if Dean wasn’t so in shock already he might have given his brother good punch.

“I’ll ummm, I’ll leave you two. Its good to see you Cas.” Sam stuck his hand out to Cas and Cas took it with great enthusiasm.

“You too Sam.” Cas smiled at Sam as he left Dean and Cas together. Alone. Shit.

Sam walked out of the room and now it was just to two of them. God what as Dean supposed to say? Maybe he should just wait for Cas to say something. Sure this situation was awkward but Cas never really noticed when a social situation was awkward.

“Hello Dean.” Thank god.

“Hey Cas.” Dean nodded at him. “Its ummm its good to see you.”

“You as well.” The two med still stood there, just staring at each other. This wasn’t what Dean imagined. He imagined a lot more yelling, maybe some crying but long awkward silence was not what he expected. But then again this was Cas. Then a thought came to Dean.

“How did you get here? Or why? Not that I or we don’t want you here I’m just—“

“Sam called me.” Cas interrupted. “He asked me to come. I was hesitant because I was unsure if you would want me here but Sam assured me you would not object.”

“I don’t umm object.” He paused and looked down at his feet. God he felt like a thirteen year old, this was ridiculous. When he glanced up he saw that Cas was closer to him now. Now they were only a foot away from each other rather than the length of the room apart. “I’m glad you’re here Cas.” Dean said, not breaking eye contact with Cas.

“Me too Dean.” The two men stared at each other like the secret to life was in each other’s eyes. Dean suddenly felt a surge of courage or maybe it was stupidity, he wasn’t sure but he was going to do. He needed Cas to know now that was he was here. Especially when he wasn’t sure if he would see him after this.

“Cas, there’s—there’s something I need to tell you and if I don’t say it now I don’t think I ever will.”

“What is it Dean?” Cas asked. He tilled his head and he was wearing that concerned look on his face he always would wear.

“Look Cas its just, you know I’m not too good with the feelings thing but I just, I need to tell you this but I’m just not sure how too—“

“Dean?” Cas interrupted Dean once again.

“And I just—shit—I just—“get it together Winchester just fucking do it!”—IthinkImightbeinlovewithyou.” Dean said very quickly so he wasn’t surprised when Cas stepped closer and looked at him like Dean was crazy. This wasn’t going how he had hoped and so he just decided to just go with plan B because he was already fucking this up and maybe just maybe he could turn this around.

“Dean I don’t under—mmmphh.”

Cas was cut off by Dean lips on his. At first Dean could feel Cas tense up and for a second he was terrified that he had messed up, that this was the wrong thing to do. Then suddenly Dean felt Cas’ arms wrap around Dean middle and he begin to pull him closer. Dean smiled against Cas’ lips as he placed his hands on the back of his neck.

This felt so good. So right and perfect it was almost terrifying but he couldn’t care less at the moment. Dean slowly began to pull away from Cas, as much as he didn’t want to but there was something he wanted to ask.

“Hey Cas?” Dean whispered as he rested their foreheads together.

“Yes.” Cas nuzzled his nose against Dean’s.

“Do you want to stay here? With me or us? And not just for Christmas but for good?”

Cas’s head lifted and his eyes met Dean’s. He gave Dean small smile before pulling his in again for a chaste kiss.

“I would love to.”

“Awesome.” Dean quickly leaned in and started kissing Cas again. He didn’t remember the fact that they were in a relatively open space until he heard snickering coming from behind. He pulled away from Cas and turned his head to see Sam, Kevin, and Charlie all staring at them with wide grins on their faces.

“Can we help you with something?” Dean asked.

“Nope!” Charlie piped up. “Although it took the two of you long enough.”

“I know right!” Sam sighed. “You guys haven’t been around they as much as I have! The intense staring was just—“

Dean rolled his eyes as the other three begin discussing Dean and Cas’ past. He turned his attention back to Cas and gave his a small smile.

“Do you want to go watch some Christmas movies with me?”

“Yes please.” Dean grabbed Cas’ hand and pulled him towards his room ignoring the looks he received from everyone.

“Don’t the three of you have anything better to do?”

“Not really. Plus its kinda fun living vicariously though you.” Sam said with a laugh.

“What ever.” Dean mumbled as he walked in a closed the door to his room.

Cas and Dean spent Christmas Eve curled up in Dean’s bed watching lame Christmas movies until they both fell asleep in each others arms and then the two were woken up at 6am by Charlie. This was one Christmas tradition Cas decided he really didn’t like. In the end Dean decided that celebrating Christmas wasn’t so bad after all.


End file.
